Tuesday, November 7, 2017

In Defense of Wolves

Imperfections in character in behavior and in psyche is what developed some of the most artistic personalities. To excuse is too much to ask but to understand that being human is to be weak and to be failing and to be predator vs prey leads us to this place where we admire the wolf but not how it stalks and kills it's prey. We become outraged at the violence and the tendencies that it demonstrates because the actions revile us but yet we crave to see more and more of it in its natural habitat.
We want our Movie Stars to be perfect.

We want our Presidents to be chaste. We want the people that bring us our entertainment to be perfect shining examples of humanity. Not recognizing that sanding the imperfections down to nothing leaves you with nothing that has any type of edge or bite. We hate the crimes but love the creativity that the roughest brushes produce.

The very things that made the Harvey Weinstein's and the Kevin Spacey's so electrifying was that they would take a risks and produce Video Clerk's Script called Pulp Fiction. Kevin Spacey would put it out and create American Beauty a film that still chokes me up. I hate the fact that they did what they did but the creativity that they exhibited was an embodiment of genius that we simply couldn't get without the nasty edge of humanity.

A white marker on a whiteboard makes nothing memorable.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Signed Sealed Delivered in America

Signed, sealed, delivered....and it's yours....
Tom has been my mailman for 5 years. He took over his route from Robert post man before him. I see him every week. And every week he has the same joke....

Signed, sealed, delivered, it's yours...

I sign the form and take possession of my 8X10 box. With a sigh as the door closes Tom goes on his merry way...I put my box down....next to the others...stacked neatly getting higher and higher...

## Years ago I won a lifetime supply of Combo's these hard salty crunchy pretzel niblet thing's with a mystery "cheese" ingredient inside.

Never in my life did I think that something so harmless as church charity raffle would turn my life into a living hell...

The donator was some exec with the company. I get a box of Combo's every week for the rest of my life.

I've never eaten a single one. I didn't eat them before and I don't ever plan to start. I didn't even win the raffle technically because the first two #'s called didn't come forward to claim the prizes. I used to donate the boxes to the food banks, but after a few years they started to refuse them based on "Spacing issues."

 Every week I get more and more combo's, the birds and wildlife won't even eat them. They just stand in a bowl outside untouched. A sad bowl of rejected dog food. I realized something.

These combo's are America.

I'm being force fed a product I don't want, need or even use.

If I die I'm likely to be buried with combos. 
I complained once to the company to PLEASE STOP SENDING THEM.  The only only thing that wound up happening was them sending me more Combos. Now in multiple different flavors!

The GI's were given SPAM as a military ration during WW2. They traded the mystery meat to the Pacific Islanders, unwittingly creating a national dietary staple.

As long as a market exists the product will be foisted on you. Whether you like it, need it, use it, or want it your out of luck. 

Signed. Sealed. Delivered. It's yours.

Sigh another box is coming on tues...

Sure 40 beers no problem

TIFU By believing I could drink 40 beers

The SO (f/25) surprised me (m/25) with a weekend getaway trip to Vegas.

After touring the strip we stopped to grab a bite and got to talking. Out of the blue she wagered that I couldn't drink 40 beers. I insisted that I not only could but I would! She was so confident I couldn't do it she said that if/when I couldn't finish and claim defeat at my beer challenge we'd get married. She was seriously thinking I would back down.

Initially I ordered 40 tall ones from the bar. They basically refused to serve me that many and cut me off at 6. Facists.

We wound up going up the strip going to every bar and there were A LOT on the strip.

By beer 10 loving life.

Beer 13 I started regretting my life choices in High School.

Beer 16 I started confessing to shit I couldn't remember doing sober.

Pee Break because By that point I was about to explode and drunk me learned that McDonald's does not serve beer or Whoppers who knew?! Side note broke the seal... All my beer is rented from now on.

I kept ordering beers and scientifically recording my tally with a sharpie on my shirt.

Beer 19: I am now best friends with a guy dancing on the streets for tips. We even improvised some dance moves to fountain music. My sharpie shirt somehow comes off I get some tips in my waistband my fiancé seems to shy from the spotlight...odd...

Beer 21: my improvised hip hop moves to Kriss Kross's jump around/Celine Dion fountain medley has exacerbated my broken seal problem from McDonald's.

The fountain show may be over but I'm a one man Fountainhead...the seal is still broken.

My girlfriend I should say fiancé at this point is inexplicably fuming and refusing to assist with helping me to find my sharpied shirt.  How am I to  keep track? Luckily my IQ rises at beer 25 and I realize I need no shirt only the sharpie and my bare chest.

Beer 27: I begin suspecting my fiancé is not as excited about this challenge as I am.
Her irritation seems to advance with every beer.

Beer 28: CVS sells beer! And phone chargers and gummi bears and Vegas spoons and furry dice aand t shirts! All these things I need as evidenced by my reciepts... The details of where all these things went aside from a pink womans one size too small t shirt I found myself in remains a mystery....

I got beer #30 at CVS but fingers no longer operate correctly... I solve this by expertly shotgunning it with a poorly aimed stab at the can. My fiancé is wearing my 30th beer...

She seems displeased...

She begins stomping off back to the hotel with me drunkenly protesting that  I am still short 10 beers and that we'd have to get married if I couldn't find more!

She was highly unsympathetic to my plight.

I am no longer capable of walking in forward motions. Caesars palace has a zen garden... Who knew.

I have failed at my 40 beer challenge.

I'm still waiting for the fiancé to get back to me to make the wedding plans. She wasn't in the hotel room when I returned odd... Probably went dress shopping and got lost... Women.

TIFU having a one man matrimonial bachelor party vegas pub crawl, just to be left at the altar....I felt so used!