Sunday, February 12, 2017

Sure 40 beers no problem

TIFU By believing I could drink 40 beers

The SO (f/25) surprised me (m/25) with a weekend getaway trip to Vegas.

After touring the strip we stopped to grab a bite and got to talking. Out of the blue she wagered that I couldn't drink 40 beers. I insisted that I not only could but I would! She was so confident I couldn't do it she said that if/when I couldn't finish and claim defeat at my beer challenge we'd get married. She was seriously thinking I would back down.

Initially I ordered 40 tall ones from the bar. They basically refused to serve me that many and cut me off at 6. Facists.

We wound up going up the strip going to every bar and there were A LOT on the strip.

By beer 10 loving life.

Beer 13 I started regretting my life choices in High School.

Beer 16 I started confessing to shit I couldn't remember doing sober.

Pee Break because By that point I was about to explode and drunk me learned that McDonald's does not serve beer or Whoppers who knew?! Side note broke the seal... All my beer is rented from now on.

I kept ordering beers and scientifically recording my tally with a sharpie on my shirt.

Beer 19: I am now best friends with a guy dancing on the streets for tips. We even improvised some dance moves to fountain music. My sharpie shirt somehow comes off I get some tips in my waistband my fiancé seems to shy from the spotlight...odd...

Beer 21: my improvised hip hop moves to Kriss Kross's jump around/Celine Dion fountain medley has exacerbated my broken seal problem from McDonald's.

The fountain show may be over but I'm a one man Fountainhead...the seal is still broken.

My girlfriend I should say fiancé at this point is inexplicably fuming and refusing to assist with helping me to find my sharpied shirt.  How am I to  keep track? Luckily my IQ rises at beer 25 and I realize I need no shirt only the sharpie and my bare chest.

Beer 27: I begin suspecting my fiancé is not as excited about this challenge as I am.
Her irritation seems to advance with every beer.

Beer 28: CVS sells beer! And phone chargers and gummi bears and Vegas spoons and furry dice aand t shirts! All these things I need as evidenced by my reciepts... The details of where all these things went aside from a pink womans one size too small t shirt I found myself in remains a mystery....

I got beer #30 at CVS but fingers no longer operate correctly... I solve this by expertly shotgunning it with a poorly aimed stab at the can. My fiancé is wearing my 30th beer...

She seems displeased...

She begins stomping off back to the hotel with me drunkenly protesting that  I am still short 10 beers and that we'd have to get married if I couldn't find more!

She was highly unsympathetic to my plight.

I am no longer capable of walking in forward motions. Caesars palace has a zen garden... Who knew.

I have failed at my 40 beer challenge.

I'm still waiting for the fiancé to get back to me to make the wedding plans. She wasn't in the hotel room when I returned odd... Probably went dress shopping and got lost... Women.

TIFU having a one man matrimonial bachelor party vegas pub crawl, just to be left at the altar....I felt so used!

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